Hold your head up
by ClaraZorEl
Summary: In the midst of a solar flare Kara decides to get a haircut to complete her journey of accepting her butchness. The haircut turns out to be a disaster, cue Lena comforting her and Alex coming to the rescue.


To Kara Zor-El, the most confusing thing about Earth was gender. On Krypton, gender and its expression were a private matter. You presented yourself the way you wished, the way you felt, and to put it crassly, nobody would give you shit about it. From a young age, Kara had sported short cropped hair, in a way not unlike her father, she even had the same untamable spike at the back of her head. She favoured tactical pants over dresses, often joined her friends in various shenanigans, involving lots of bruises and once a broken arm, and had even gotten in trouble an impressive number of times for flying race ships unmonitored.

On Earth, all the things that had made her her on Krypton were things that set her apart. Passed a certain age, being a tomboy stopped being cute and girls that displayed even the slightest amount of « boy behaviour » were catapulted straight into the « dyke zone ». Kara had learnt that the hard way. When her heart could no longer handle her sister landing herself in detention to protect her, and her adoptive mother crying when she would come home with the story of yet another slur word tagged on her locker, Kara let her hair grow out and traded her jeans for sunny dresses. Her true self took the backseat in her own body.

That was ten years ago.

To be fair she had gotten used to it. She learnt how to style her long blonde hair, how to walk in heels and how to pair various items of clothing to look effortlessly girly. She mastered the art of sitting with her legs crossed, the art of moving in a more feminine way, and the very important art of flying around in a skirt, which is a quite important skill to have when you happen to be a super hero. To, again, be completely honest she knew that she looked very attractive when displaying her WomanTM skills. But it was like playing dress up everyday.

She took her first step out when she bought a pair of grey chinos, soon followed by another, and a few button up shirts, a brand new pair of brown loafers, and a new belt that Lena deemed sinful (and immediately proceeded to unbuckle, which was a stellar moment in their sex life). The dresses were shoved at the back of her closet.

A series of events precipitated her next step. Alex shaved part of her head and pinned Sam against a wall (the second thing Kara (and Lena (and Ruby)) would very much like to unsee). Then, Alex again, dragged her to a Hayley Kiyoko concert where Kara cried to a very inspirational speech about embracing who you are and taking the steps toward being truer to yourself. Finally, Lena knotted James discarded tie around her neck and used it to drag her into a searing kiss in a corner at the Christmas party, somehow, someone managed to snap a photo of this moment. She kept the tie.

Something inside of Kara snapped.

After a particularly gruesome alien attack and in the midst of a solar flare, she found herself sitting in a chair at the hair salon a few blocks down her apartment. And it was a disaster. She'd started having second thoughts the moment the hairdresser had cut off her ponytail and had handed her the strands for « safe keeping ». There was no going back now. What if short hair didn't suit the shape of her face anymore ? Or worse, what if she ended up looking like Justin Bieber circa 2008 ? What if Alex thought she was copying her ? Or if Lena thought it was ugly ? To add insult to injury the hairdresser had completely misunderstood, or probably purposefully disregarded Kara's request of short hair.

It was a catastrophe. The constant chatting of the woman wielding the sharp scissors sounded like a deafening roar to Kara's ear and she could feel the beginning of panic rising in her throat ; she knew she wouldn't be able to stir the hairdresser toward what she really wanted. Though she had handled countless threats as Supergirl, as Kara Danvers she felt like it was the most scared she'd ever been.

When the hairdresser finally seeked her approval, Kara could only nod dully before throwing a few dollar bills on the counter and bolting out of the salon. She didn't stopped running until she reached her apartment and slammed the door. Lena was sitting on the couch, ready for movie night, if only a bit early, a detail Kara hadn't factored in her flawed haircut plan.

It was a complete fiasco.

« Hey darling I thought you were taking the day off, I was just about to call you. » Lena's voice came muffled to Kara's ears. « Kara honey are you okay ? »

« I made a terrible mistake ». Kara's blood was roaring in her ears and she couldn't tell if she had spoken aloud or if the words existed only on loop in her mind. Since Lena answered, she guessed it was the former.

« Tell me what happened Kara. Whatever it is, we can fix it. We can fix it together. Do you want space or can I come closer ? ». Kara shook her head vehemently. « Okay, I'm staying right where I am then. But can you please tell me what happened ? »

Kara started pulling at her hair and said « Eliza's going to be so disappointed, and you, you're going to break up with me, I should have kept this locked inside, nobody's gonna like a butch alien, and it's so ugly, not what I wanted, Rao I look like Justin Bieber, you're going to hate me, you're going to hate me, you're going to hate me. »

« Kara. Kara honey, breathe. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I want you yo be you, to be comfortable and you know you can be who you are around me. I'm sorry if I ever did anything that could make you think otherwise. And hair, well hair grow back, or you can shave it off. »

« I, I don't wanna shave it off. But I don't want it to grow back either. »

« But you still want it short and different ? » Carefully asked Lena. « Like on those pictures of your first Earth birthday Eliza showed me ? »

« Eliza showed you this ? »

« Of course she did, we bonded other your otherworldly cuteness. » Kara's breath was less ragged now and it encouraged Lena to add : « Did I ever tell you I have a private hairdresser ? An absolute gem called Lee Serrano. I could call them right now if you want. »

«Could you, could you call Alex instead ? She used to, she used to cut my hair for me when I was younger. »

« Okay, tell you what, I'm going to go put the kettle on and then I'm going to call Alex. But first I'm going to go get you your Nth metal fidget cube because if you pull all your hair off, there won't be any left for Alex to cut. »

However, before Lena could even take a step toward the kitchen, a hand wrapped around her wrist and she felt herself being tug gently toward Kara. « Can I, can I get a hug now ? »

The way Kara wrapped herself around her with all her might made Lena think about the miniature red sun she was currently trying to develop in her private lab. Lena's favourite hugs were the one where Kara could hold her tight and let herself go, something that only happened when Kara was powerless, a ghastly experience that always left her hero feeling tired and useless, and Lena herself frightened and overprotective. She leaned up and whispered in her love's ear « I could never hate you for who you are. And I don't have a say in how you chose to express yourself. But if you're looking for reassurance then know that you'll be beautiful with your new hair, you're always beautiful to me. I love you Kara. »

Kara squeezed tighter, murmuring her own kryptonian words of love in Lena's ear. Her strength was already returning, bruises would be involved in this hug, but Lena didn't care.

Things would be alright.

Alex made her way into her sister's apartment half an hour later to find the couple cuddled up on the couch, the only trace of the previous mayhem being Kara's fidgety hand on the Nth metal toy.

« Hey there sis' » she said « I heard you got a haircut without me. I'd say I'm offended but since Lena called me to fix your mess, I'm willing to try forgiveness. Well forgiveness with a side of no pineapple on the pizza we're ordering after, and I also want some of your potstickers. » Years of being the best sister in several galaxies had given Alex the right tools to face any kind of situation and to help her sister out of any predicament. When she saw the ghost of a smile grace Kara's lips, she knew she had approached this situation in the right way.

Faint green glowing clippers were retrieved out of a lead lined box and Alex went to sit on the couch with Kara in front of her.

« You kept these ? »

« Of course, I knew they'd come in handy one day. »

« You really are the best sister. »

« Not such a good sister if I didn't even noticed that you were distressed enough to go get a wonky haircut at a shady hairdresser. » Lena rested a comforting hand on her shoulder.

« It's not like I told you what was happening in my head. You didn't know because I didn't tell you anything. »

« Still… »

« Don't beat yourself up, please. Can you, can you just cut my hair ? Please ? »

Alex exhaled an « okay » and adjusted her grip around the clippers. « So, are we going for a classic Kara Zor-El or do you want something a bit different ? »

Kara smiled, « Classic Kara Zor-El. I'd like to, you know, pick up where I left. »

« What's a classic Kara Zor-El haircut ? Is that the haircut from the pictures ? » inquired Lena.

Alex smirked, « You'll see Lena, you'll see. »

Alex set to work and she felt her sister relax slightly. Righting the haircut would only take a few minutes but she somehow felt the need to fill this short moment of silence.

« You know Lena », she said « I used to cut Kara's hair when she first came to Earth. Jeremiah got the Kryptonite from Clark and he built the clippers. It's just enough to cut her hair without harming her in any way. The first time I cut it was because dad was stuck at work and it was haircut day. We tried to build a steady schedule to help her accommodate to her new planet. We had haircut day twice a month on Sundays, movie night every week on Saturdays, we would alternate cereals and toast every day of the week but it would always be pancakes on Mondays to kickstart the week, and on Wednesday night Kara would try to recreate kryptonians traditional food ; we got by this way. Anyway, the first time I cut her hair, God, my hands were so unsteady and I messed it up so bad. It was shorter on one side in a very obvious way, it was an absolute wreck. Kara shrugged, smiled, and offered to cut mine. She chopped me a sideway fringe, I literally feared for my life but she laughed so hard, it was endearing. I never messed up her hair again, actually, I even got quite good. I mean, look ! »

Sure enough, Kara looked nothing like the disaster that still stood before them ten minutes ago. Her hair was cropped short on the sides and Alex had gotten a tube of extra strong hair gel out of her bag to slick back the slightly longer hair at the top. Lena felt like a new part of her girlfriend had been unlock in front of her eyes and she was at a loss for words. Kara turned over to look at her, a shy smile on her lips. It was still her girlfriend but somehow she felt like she was seeing her for the first time, more than Kara Danvers and more than Supergirl, she was finally seeing all of Kara Zor-El and she felt even more in love than she was a second before. « You look perfect », she said.

« She's right Kara, you look handsome, and very much like my little sister. How does it feel ? »

« It feels right. Rao, it feels right ! »

Kara unfolded herself from the bottom of the couch and dragged both Alex and Lena in a (controlled) bone crushing hug. When she finally released them, her eyes were brimming with tears but her smile could have powered a decent size city. « Oh no », warned Alex, « Oh no. Stop. Don't cry. If you cry, I'm gonna cry and and then your girlfriend's gonna know that I actually can cry and she's gonna use it as blackmail. »

« I'm not going to cry Alex », snuffled Kara, « I'm just happy. »

« Then I'm happy for you sis' . »

« Ditto », added Lena in an uncharacteristic manner.

« Ditto Lena, really ? »

« Well excuse me Alex but I don't trust myself with words longer than two syllables right now, I mean have you, have you seen your sister ? She's so, so handsome. » Lena was furiously blushing and repeated in a high pitched voice, « So handsome. »

« Keep it in your pants Luthor, that's my sister. »

« Shut up Alex. Lena, you really think I'm, you know, handsome ? »

« Yeah, yeah you are. You're so fucking handsome, so bloody beautiful, Kara I love you. »

« I love you too Lee, and what you say, it means the world to me. You mean the world to me. »

« Okay, okay guys, sweet, but disgusting. And Sam and Ruby are gonna be here any minute for movie night so maybe don't start making out right now. Don't lie ! I know you were about to suck each other faces. »

« Alex ! »

« Kara ! There are things, that as your sister, I don't need to see ! »

Kara and Lena sheepishly untangled from each other though Lena hand found purchased in Kara's newly cropped hair that she started to stroke lovingly, to Alex's great dismay.

« I'm gonna go get change », eventually said Kara, « these clothes feel all sweaty and gross, and, I wanna try something. »

In the blink of an eye, Kara disappeared and reappeared in the bathroom, white button up tucked into her grey chinos, her tie, formerly James', looped around her neck. She didn't know how to tie it.

« Alex ? Can you come in the bathroom ? I need your help with something. »

« Shit. I hate when she does that. » A commotion was heard in the living room and Kara smiled, knowing that she had probably startled both her sister and her girlfriend. « Kara ! A little warning before superspeed would be nice ! »

Alex started toward the bathroom before stopping midcourse and turning toward Lena. « Could you call the pizza place ? And please, no pineapples. »

Alex found her sister staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, a happy smile on her lips, she seemed deep in thought but of course she noticed immediately when Alex entered the room, supersenses came in handy like that.

« Could you help me tie this ? » she said, pointing at the loose tie around her neck, « it's harder to master than Earth history. »

« What makes you think I know how to tie this ? I mean I know how to do it, but you could have asked Lena, if that picture, that should really not be displayed on your fridge, is anything to go by, she's efficient in the art of tying knots. »

« I wanted to talk to you, and I knew that you outright refuse to display any emotions in front of anyone that isn't me so I had to drag you away. » Alex opened her mouth to protest. « Please, Alex, let me finish. I really appreciate what you did, it means a lot that you agreed to cut my hair just the way we did when I first got here. And I just, I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay with this. »

« Why wouldn't I be okay with it ? »

« Because I'm not a kid anymore ? Your sister being a tomboy was cute but I'm an adult now and it's different. »

« That's bullshit Kara, and you know it. »

« Okay, yeah you're right. I also wanted to make sure that you know I'm not copying you. I mean you're gay, you just got a haircut, I'm gay, I just got a haircut. I'm doing that because it's the way I am, I'm not, I'm not being an annoying little sister. »

« Oh Kara… Why would you think that ? If I had my issues with it I would have talked to you. Okay no, I wouldn't have but I don't have any issues with you doing what's right for you. I know why you're doing it because I did it for the same reasons. You are allowed to be who you are Kara, same as me. You're not copying me and you're not being annoying. »

« I guess I was just worried you know. »

« Yeah, I know this feeling… But let me tell you something. You being who you are when you crash landed in my life helped me building who I am today, and if me being who I am today helped you coming back to who you are, then I'm just happy and proud. I am so proud of you Kara. » Alex surreptitiously whipped a tear on her cheek. « Now, let me earn some brownie points by teaching you how to tie this thing, handsome little sister. »

Kara laughed, « I didn't expected you to actually know how to do it. »

« Sam taught me, we enjoy… » Alex abruptly stopped mid sentence, her face not unlike a very bright tomato. « … we enjoy wearing ties in professional settings, for work purpose. »

« Alex, you wear a DEO uniform to work. »

« So you see, you place it around your neck like this and you loop it like that so that you can adjust it easily and done ! »

Alex tightened the tie around her sister's neck and slowly turned her around so they were both facing the mirror. Stuck in the corner of said mirror was a faded picture of two teenage girls with disaster haircuts, happiness radiating from their faces, their smiles rigorously identical to those of their present selves, a new picture was long overdue.


End file.
